The continued struggle.

This was ofcourse expected, another day with the same goal.
The light at the end of the tunnel shines brighter than ever though.

Yesterday was the second day of fresh air.

It went ok, it can't be better than ok right now because I'm still constantly thinking about it. The smoke, the pleasure.
The feeling of that siluette of fog smoothly touching the tip of my nose every time i exhale. I miss it, i still want it.

I found out that I think less of smoking when i occupy myself, I took the girlfriend to a nearby gaming-café and ass-whooped her in Q4 for an hour or so. Felt great, no smoking needed.

I usually reward myself after a victory with smoking, not this time.
It's not worth the time and pain i've already put down.

I will not go through this again. If I start smoking again, I'm agreeing to cancer...

I shall not fail. Sophia at work, my arch-nemesis and opponent is having a hard time, harder than me. I fear that if she fails I will count it as a victory and reward myself.
This must not happen, therefor I'm supporting my opponent to win.

The mornings are the hardest. Not picking up what has always been my breakfast on the way to the metro. Walking behind a smoker and smell their second hand smoke. The smell still makes me high of pleasure.

The girls at the office are supportive and keeps cheering for me, the guys however. My asshole co-workers are currently placing bets on when I fail.

The guy next to me, Daniel. He supports me to some extent. He placed his bet far from present time.

I lean over close to his ear and I whisper:

I hate you...

He looks at me and tells me to chew another gum.

These gums are horrible. I want to smoke them.

Aonther way of dealing with it all.

Shopping. I bought things yesterday, lovely things. I'm more materialistic now than I was before.
Things make my brain drift away from the urge.
I love it.

I'm closer to my goal.


Never before did I put so much energy into NOT doing something.


Not smoking.

Not smoking.

Not smoking.